You Don't Love Me
by The Muse of Apollo
Summary: Watershed (5x24). This is how it could have gone. Castle gets some things off his chest. One Shot.


**a.n. So this one is angsty guys. Not necessarily the most original idea, but I like it. **

**Disclaimer: I'm glad that I didn't write the Watershed episode or it might have gone like this. **

**xxxx**

"_Katherine Houghton Beckett, Will You Marry Me?_

He couldn't believe he was doing this after what she had done. He'd been planning on asking, of course, but not for a little while. He wanted to get some distance from the whole Eric Vaughn thing. But she needed to know where he stood on _them._ And he knew without a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

He just hoped she felt the same way. Looking up at her now, from his position on the ground, he could see the shock on her face. Over the last year he had gotten even better at reading her facial expressions, but after the shock had cleared off of her face, he didn't know what took it's place.

He was getting nervous. She had been silent now for what seemed like hours. _Doesn't she want this?_ He asked himself.

"Castle…I…no. I…I won't marry you."

His first reaction to that was shock, of course. He had expected many things, been prepared for them even. He'd been prepared for her to say 'not yet', and of course 'yes', but he hadn't been prepared for a flat out rejection.

Then the realization struck him. He'd been known to overreact, but now he knew for sure where he stood in her eyes. _God, I've been such a fool._

"Rick…I…" she started to say as he stood up.

He held up his hand for her to stop. He kept his emotions off his face so that he wouldn't break down in front of her. He would not cry here. He wouldn't.

"I've been such a fool," he said, pacing in front of her. "I should have known that would be your answer. I should have known because it took you eight months to say 'I love you'. And when you finally did it was because you were standing on a bomb minutes away from death. And then you've never said it again, even when I've said it to you. I've been such a fool. God," he said, rubbing his hands through his hair in exasperation, "How could I have not seen it before. You don't love me. I'm just another man in your life, just another one foot out the door relationship."

He could see she was about to interrupt, but he couldn't listen to her now. He had to get this out and get away from her.

"I thought I was different than the rest, because I loved you," he continued. "But really I'm no different than Demming or Sorenson, or Josh. They all had feelings for you too. But just like me, you always kept one foot out the door." He sighed. There was no choice. They were over. It made sense to him now. This was never an equal relationship. It was always about her, never about them. And it would always be that way. He turned to look at her. "For what it's worth, Kate, I hope that you find happiness someday. And I know that you'll do great in DC. Goodbye, Katherine Beckett."

With that he turned and walked away, not expecting her to come after him, not really wanting her to.

xxxx

Kate Beckett sat on the swings for at least an hour after Castle had left her life for good. He was wrong. She did love him. She just didn't know if he was the one she should be marrying. He'd had two failed marriages, and she didn't want to be the third.

So she had said no. Her conversation with Meredith a few weeks before had really gotten her thinking, and when Rick wouldn't answer her question about where they were going, it only cemented the idea in her mind that they weren't going in the same direction.

That's why she had taken the job in DC, and why she hadn't told him about it. Her father was right: she was running. She knew that if she got out now, the heartbreak would be manageable.

She knew she had hurt him. But this way was better. This way they could both move on with their lives. She could go back to focusing on her job. He could find someone else.

She'd be okay. At least that's what she told herself.

xxxx

_Five Years Later…_

He was finally doing it. This was the last time he was going to be married. It wasn't to the woman he had thought he would marry, but he loved Amanda. He did. Of course, he still loved Kate, even after all this time, but he was a loving man. He could love more than one person, and as Kate had broken his heart, he didn't see any problem with what he was doing.

The first year after Beckett had rejected him had been the hardest of his life. He'd decided to write the last Nikki Heat novel (by killing off Rook), but it had taken him forever to write. Every word he wrote reminded him of her.

After he had finally finished the book, he'd had enough. Alexis was in college, and his mother had moved in with her boyfriend. He was alone in the loft, and he was tired of it. He had hired movers and had packed his life up into boxes.

He'd been living in Chicago for the last four years, and he loved it. He'd gotten inspiration for a new set of characters that didn't remind him of a certain female federal agent. He had met Amanda, and they had dated for four years. He wasn't proud of that, but he had wanted to make sure that it was for good this time before he asked the question. It was.

She loved him. He loved her. They were having a baby together. All of it was going to be great. It wasn't the way he thought is life would turn out five years ago, but he was happy again, and really that was all that mattered.

xxxx

FBI Special Agent Kate Beckett was miserable. She wouldn't have cared so much, since she had been miserable for five years, but today was going to be a terrible day. She had read the announcement a week ago in the paper, and had immediately ran into the bathroom to empty her stomach. Richard Castle was getting married. And it wasn't to her.

She knew she had only herself to blame. She loved him, but it wasn't enough to overcome her fears. He deserved to be happy, and she wasn't the one who could make that happen. She had thought about calling him so many times over the past five years, but she just didn't have the courage. So she stayed in DC. She excelled at her job. But she wasn't happy.

She had distanced herself from all of her friends in New York. She had distanced herself from her dad. She was alone in the world, and it was all her fault.

The night of his wedding, she pulled out her copy of _Dead Heat_ and reread the dedication for what was probably the thousandth time over the last few years.

_To Kate: You'll have my heart always. Be happy._

She just wished she knew how.

**Fin.**

**xxxx**

**a.n. I love Kate Beckett, and I am happy it didn't go this way on the show. But I really think that Kate Beckett was terrible to Castle at the end of season 5. She told him she loved him only when she had to (not that he was any better the first time he said it, mind you), and then she went and kissed another man. Then she had the balls to ask him where they were going. Now Castle himself wasn't faultless in this mess, of course. He should have put that controller down. But I just feel that Beckett got off too easy, as she always did in canon.**

**I know I'm always one for a happy ending, but this time I just wanted to see what it would be like if there wasn't one.**

**Reviews please. **


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